Flower Power

Summer is almost at an end, but before it draws its last breath, I have a few summer outfits I'd like to show you.

This first outfit was inspired by a shopping trip gone wrong.

Earlier this summer, Old Navy had a heavily advertised weekend tank top sale, with all tanks for 2 dollars. What they neglected to tell me was that they were having a pre-sale on Friday. So by the time I got there Saturday morning, all that was left was the boring colors: black, white, and grey.

Well, I thought I'd make the most of it, and bought a black and a white one, thinking I'd give them some permanent embellishments later.

In true unproductive Unfashionista fashion, I still haven't. But I did wear one one day, and I gave it a temporary embellishment just to make it mildly interesting. A fake flower.

If you are me, you have mountains of fake flowers squirreled away. You have trouble refraining from removing fake flowers from the garbage when you find them. (This includes the garbage at cemeteries). But you hardly ever use them.

This outfit was an opportunity to make use of my fake flower collection and make my boring tank top exciting. I attached the flower to my tank top with a safety pin, and finished it off with my secret weapon: Res-Q Tape!

Yes, rescue tape does just what its name implies, saving you from the embarrassment of peeking bra straps, too-low necklines, gaping buttons, and a host of other wardrobe malfunctions. In this case, it works wonders persuading flower petals to lay down flat. At the end of the day, I peeled the tape off my flower and tank top, and now both are good as new and ready for action! As soon as next summer rolls around.

Turquoise

As a designer, I confess an inordinate love of monochromatic color schemes. This tendency causes me continual conflict with my clients, who are always requesting "more colors" in my designs. More colors? Why? That's what shades are for!

Fortunately, as an Unfashionista, I can do whatever I want, including building an entire outfit in shades of turquoise.

I started with a dark turquoise cami top I bought on a vacation a few years ago at 5 for 10$ (This shopping trip remains the source of the majority of my tank top collection today). For an "occasion," I would wear this strappy top with a strapless bra to avoid the double-strap look. But for everyday wear, I allow my bra straps to shine out.

I paired the top with the dip-dyed (now the favored term is ombré) turquoise skirt (the second-to-last hippie skirt I bought before getting tired of them).

So now I'm wearing three shades of turquoise (two with a gradation between them), but I'm not done yet!

I have a matched set of old turquoise jewelry I acquired in New Mexico when I was just a youngun. I never would spend my hard-earned cash on that sort of thing today, so thank goodness I was less thrifty back then....Of course, it could have been my parents' money that paid for the jewelry – I don't remember – but either way, I'm glad I have it. The bracelet particularly is one of my favorite pieces of jewelry, but I hardly ever have a chance to wear it. It has silver beads and turquoise beads, and best of all, birds! And if you zoom in to the picture, you can almost see it clearly!

To complete the look, I wore my ubiquitous black flip-flops (basically, what I wear when I don't have any footwear that actually matches my clothes). But they were mainly just to cover my feet when going out in public. Obviously this outfit is best suited for running barefoot on the beach!

Shrugs and then some

In the last post, we learned how to convert a useless old T-shirt into a useful shrug. But the finished product left something to be desired, so I decided to spruce it up with some kind of decorative trim.

I searched long and hard (several days at least), and eventually, true to Unfashionista tradition, found my answer at a thrift store for a few odd cents. What was the answer? Well, 2 and a half yards of black lace ribbon. Adding black trim to the white shirt effectively turns it from something that matches almost everything to something that matches almost nothing.

But hey, I'm just going to be wearing it to make my clothes conform to a dress code—not to win any "best dressed" awards.

With great patience, I pinned all 2.5 yards of the lace (less a few inches--I couldn't have asked for a more perfect length) to the raw edges of the shrug, as shown in the photo.

What isn't shown in the photo is how I then folded the lace over and pinned it again to "seal in" the raw edges for a clean looking trim.

Lastly, I sewed over the lace to attach it permanently.The finished piece magically transforms a freewheeling summer outfit into a sober, covered-up, workplace-accepted ensemble!

Except for the short shorts and the bare feet, which may require some additional attention before this outfit can truly be labeled "careerwear."

Shrugs

 Today's lesson takes the concept of resuscitating an old T-shirt to the next level. Whereas in the first lesson, we used a few conservative cuts and some simple stitching, today we're going to turn the shirt into something radically different.

There's nothing special about this shirt except a few yellowish stains that make it impossible to wear, even if it were something you'd be interested in wearing in the first place.

Never fear! I have the perfect idea to turn this dead weight into something that will be an asset to my wardrobe!

You see, where I work, sleeveless shirts are against the dress code. But where I work is also a 10-minute walk from home, meaning, in the height of a sticky DC summer, I want to dress cool and comfortable for my travels.

The solution is to wear a tank top and throw a light short-sleeved shrug over it when I'm at work! This shirt will make the perfect top layer, since white goes with everything!

1. Turn the shirt inside out and mark the approximate shape of the finished piece. I want to make sure I remove the entire original collar, so that's not going to leave us much fabric to work with. A shrug this skimpy is more properly called a "bolero," but that term doesn't seem to be popular at present.

On this particular shirt, I had previously modified the original side seams to accommodate my unusually slender shape (OK, it's really because I'm forever buying XL shirts when I should wear an M). I'm not sure whether I want to keep this alteration or take out the seams for a looser fit. Stay tuned. Although you probably will not have to deal with this conundrum unless you're already a hardcore Unfashionista yourself.

2. Now comes the point of no return—where we actually begin cutting the fabric! Cut a generous approximation of the bottom hem. If it's too long, you can shorten it later.

3. Lop off the original collar.

Here's how it looks so far! This is pretty much the finished product, except that the back is much longer than the front! Obviously we'll have to shorten that up!

I think I'm going to keep my added seam. It looks fine the way it is, and this'll save me having to rip the seam out.This means I'll have to cut along it to get rid of excess fabric and ensure that the front transitions smoothly to the back.

Here's the shirt lying flat. After we cut off the bottom edge of the back side, we'll be done! 4. Chop chop!

While my previous post on T-shirt surgery shows you can make an acceptable article of clothing with a raw edge, this shrug is curling into itself something fierce, and I think it needs a little more refinement. 

The next post will show you how to add pretty trim to your creation.

Dressing down

Despite what you may think when you hear "dressing down," a good Unfashionista never looks sloppy (And here I admit that makes me an occasionally not-good Unfashionista, particularly when I'm in my pajamas). But to a genuine Unfashionista, "dressing down" means building an outfit around an accessory like a hat or earrings—working your way down from the top!

A few weeks ago, I ran across a store in Toledo called Glitter, where every item of jewelry was a dollar! It wasn't of particularly high quality, but it was a dollar! Some of it was even a dollar for a 2-piece set! I went hog wild, spending a whopping 5 dollars and significantly expanding my paltry jewelry collection (in fact, prompting me to discover the new way to store necklaces described last post).

I've been itching to wear my new accessories, but as I spend most of my time schlepping around the back of a grocery store, I haven't had many opportunities. Today, I decided to make the most of my day off and proudly flaunt my new bling.

I chose these leaf earrings because they – unlike many of the selections I acquired at Glitter – are not too ostentatious for a day of shopping, visiting friends, and eating at Mexican restaurants.

The obvious choice of clothing to go with them was something with a leafy print. Just my luck, I have a semi-dressy tank top (acquired in an eBay lot) that I've only worn once, emblazoned with flowers and leaves of every kind. I paired it with my favorite pair of shorts, which fortunately happen to be a dark shade of teal that matches the shirt exquisitely, and finished the outfit off with the ubiquitous black flip flops (pretty much the only shoes I wear in summer).

Below the shoes, I placed the rug—but I believe that's far enough down for this particular outfit.

No country for old scrunchies

Some things go out of fashion and even an Unfashionista does not want to wear them any more.

Back in the 90's, the only accepted method for tying back your ponytail was with a ruffly, fabric-wrapped rubber band called a "scrunchie." In these enlightened days, "accepted" is the last word you'd use in relation to a scrunchie. Catherine Zeta-Jones made headlines in 2010 when she wore one of these outmoded fripperies in public.

But any girl who was worth her salt 2 decades ago probably still has remnants of a once-mighty scrunchie collection, and patiently awaits the day when she can wear them with pride.

Well, ladies, while you're waiting, there's something you can do with your scrunchies that's both fashionable and functional. Use them to help organize your jewelry!

I just discovered this method while sorting through a collection of old accessories. "Hmm," I thought. "What am I going to do with all these scrunchies? I can't wear them lest I get laughed out of town. But I can't just throw them away...." Then, setting aside that problem, I thought, "Hmm... what am I going to do with all these necklaces?" Then I thought, "And why are these drawers in my jewelry box so darn deep? What can I possibly store in them that takes up so much space?" And then, in a whirlwind, the answer came to me!

Wrap the necklaces around the scrunchies! It will keep them from getting tangled, keep the scrunchies safe from the landfill, and make the best use of my bottomless jewelry drawers. This worked even better than I expected, because the elastic in the scrunchies actually serves to hold the loose ends of the necklaces in place.

Here's the technique for optimal scrunchie storage:

1. Wrap the necklace around the scrunchie (and here, may I employ a favorite 90's expression: "duh!")
2. Poke the trailing end of the necklace through the loop of scrunchie.

Ta-da! One scrunchie seems to be quite adequate for storing 2 necklaces.

Fat Day Fashion Review

Do you ever have fat days? You know, where you just feel like you're the chunkiest hunk of junk on your respective side of the Mississippi? I'm having one of those. Well, you might call it a "fat week," but however long it lasts, until I recover, I certainly don't want to post any pictures of my chubby self online! In the pause, I thought I might take the opportunity to share my views on the current trends in dress.

On the whole, I'm highly unimpressed. Sure, being grouchy because I'm feeling fat isn't helping, but even on my most narcissistic of days, I'm not pleased by the options the fashion world has allotted us this year. And so I present to you my awards for the worst I've seen in fashion this year.

Footwear

The shoes this summer are disappointing to a pair. It seems our shoe designers have succumbed to a murderous urge, what with the prevalence of "stiletto" heels and "gladiator" sandals. The former, I object to because I value my ankles and have no wish to break them whilst stumbling into a grate in the sidewalk. The latter, I despise because they are just plain ugly. The "gladiator" look seemed to take off about the same time "300" hit the big screen. Its age has come and gone, but like any good warrior, it just won't die! The astute among you would note that even my beloved platform sandals have the basic gladiator construction. But I find them acceptable because they have dispensed with the ladder-like straps and right angles in favor of woven and criss-crossed elements, lending them a bit more grace. But these shoes seem to be the exception. Certainly in the last few months, I have seen few shoes that catch my discerning eye.

So what's a girl who likes to look good and remain upright to buy? Espadrilles. In fact, if you buy just one new pair of shoes this summer, make it the raffia wedge sandals by Old Navy (now on sale!) The only reason I haven't bought them is that I found an acceptably similar used pair on eBay for around 15 dollars.

Legwear

Moving upwards a little (in space, but not in quality), I shall now discuss my dislike of skinny jeans. Yes, these ugly pieces of work have been in style for a few years as well, and they haven't grown on me (in every sense of the phrase) in all that time. While skinny jeans may look good on skinny people, they are uniformly unflattering to the 99% of the population that makes up the rest of us. The worst thing about skinny jeans is, they're jeans! All jeans are uncomfortable, but ultra-tight jeans are the worst. Try to bend over in them—just try! Crossing your legs? Out of the question. Skinny jeans are one trend best left at the bottom of your closet, but if you can't completely resist the impulse to follow the herd, your best alternative is stretch leggings. They're just as ugly as skinny jeans, they fit just as well under a loose shapeless blouse (ugh) or into a pair of Uggs (don't even get me started), but they actually allow you to keep your mobility. If you have to look fashionably dopey, you can at least be comfortable while doing it, right?

Tops (Topwear?)

As we reach the domain of tanks, tees, and blouses, I shall focus my wrath on a trend I noticed only recently – to my great chagrin – Dolman sleeves (to those lucky enough to have not yet encountered them, sleeves that are basically just an extension of the shirt, with an opening pretty close to the bottom hem, not the armpit where sleeves are supposed to begin). I could go on and on about how shapeless clothes turn you into a shapeless person, how wearing this type of sleeve is probably the most expensive way to achieve the "homeless" look, but all you really need to know is that the other name for this sartorial horror is "batwing sleeve." There is only one day a year when dressing like a bat is considered normal. Enough said.

Everywear

Last and least, we have progressed to the one article of clothing that's the worst thing in fashion short of a faux pas. It is the one article of clothing that is actually two--a bottom and a top, making it the "allover" loser of the Fat Day Fashion Review in more than one sense. This article of clothing appeared on shelves last year, to my horror, and it has unfathomably increased in popularity. It is the romper. You know you've hit a low when you're wearing a style intended for 1-year-olds.