Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Ugly Cat Dress

Of course, when I saw it on eBay, it looked cute and trendy and just what I needed to jump on the cat face bandwagon.

When it arrived, I realized I had forgotten to specify the color and had been shipped the hideous grey version.
Usually when I get stuff from eBay that I dislike, I simply sell it again (sometimes even at a profit!), but I knew this one was unlikely to sell, when 1) the dress was still available for sale at less than I had paid, and 2) the best item description I could honestly write was this:
The Ugliest Cat Dress in the world! Size S
Eww! Who designed this dress? Look how the cat's face has no definition around its nose, and its eyes are the same same value as the fabric they're printed on! If you squint your eyes, it kind of looks like it could be a Sesame Street Character!
How did such an abomination come about, you ask? Well, there are many theories, but the most popular one goes like this: The design was intended to be printed on black, and then some clown was like, "Hey, let's print this same design on light grey! Never mind that it'll look like some kind of half-finished kid's drawing!" That was a brilliant idea, right? Because without making that ridiculous move, they would never have succeeded in making the ugliest cat dress in the world!
Are you jealous you didn't think up this design? Well, don't be, because even if you'll never be the genius who decided to print some eyes and a chin on a dress and call them a cat, you can still be the proud owner of this incomparably hideous garment! Just place your bid now. Shipping is free!

So I set out to do damage control. Armed with a 3-dollar fabric marker, I repaired the cat's face as best I could. Observe.
The marker
I wrapped the dress around a cardboard box,
the better to give me a smooth drawing surface.
And held it on with pins, to keep it from sliding around.
I used the original photo of the black dress to give me
an idea of what this cat was supposed to look like.
I started by giving the eyes some pupils.
And then defined the nose.
Here's the finished product.

When I was finished, I guess the artwork was good enough, because a couple of people had nice things to say about it.

But I still wasn't happy with the fit (when am I going to learn to not buy clothes meant for petite Chinese girls!?), so I wore it once and donated it.

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